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Basic Dungeon Etiquette

 

General

 

• Politeness will get you a long way. Treat other people as you'd like to be treated.


• Honesty is highly valued in the lifestyle. Lying about experience level, relationship status, risk factors, etc., will eventually be found out, and will get you a bad reputation in the community. A bad reputation takes time and serious dedication to change.


• Never touch other people or their possessions – such as collars, cuffs, clothing - no matter how casually or friendly the intention without direct consent. Many people enjoy playing show-and-tell with their toys or to talk with and hug new people, but always get their permission beforehand.


• No Dominant/Top may demand anything of another person that hasn't consented. No submissive/bottom is under any obligation to anyone that they have not consented to. This includes, but is not limited to, orders, play, relationships, touching, or even conversation.

 

• At most organized BDSM settings [here-out referred to as dungeons], here are usually hosts, someone in charge, or Dungeon Monitors [here-out all referred to as DM's]. They are there to enforce the rules and ensure the safety of those involved, but they are not psychic. If you are victimized by someone, let a DM know as soon as you are capable / comfortable. They cannot do anything to protect you without knowing that something is wrong.

 

 

Confidentiality

 

• All personal information is confidential. Do not ask personal questions of someone – including but not limited to: where they live, email addresses, their real name – until they have offered the information. Do not break confidentiality by asking around to get a third party's information.


• Attempting to track down someone outside of the BDSM arena without their prior consent is unacceptable.


• Do not take pictures or videos; unless the play space has rules allowing your camera/phone to be used by DM's who will be able to ensure no others will be in the photo without their consent. In many dungeons, failure to do this will get your camera, phone, and/or memory card confiscated, and you ejected and/or banned from the dungeon.


• If you see someone from the dungeon out in public, do not out them by talking to them about 'that killer party where their scene was so intense!', or even 'it was great seeing you last weekend', etc., unless they have consented beforehand.

 

 

Interpersonal Interactions

 

• Someone's clothing/toy collection is not indicative of their BDSM interests or experience level. A casually-dressed person is not always a newbie, and a leather-clad person might just be trying to make an impression on their first visit, or wanting to show off their collection they haven't yet been able to show off.


• Expecting people that have not consented to use honorifics (Sir, Mistress, Master,or other respectful title) with you is highly frowned upon. It will add to your reputation that you are not respectful of other people. Titles and respect are both earned, but titles only have to be used when the other person consents to use them.


• If a Dominant/Top requires that someone ask them before addressing their submissive/bottom, it is their responsibility to inform others of this rule. Someone that does not know should be informed. It is now the other person's responsibility to respect that.


• People are generally happy to talk about something that they were doing, a particular technique, or a toy they were playing with. If you have a question, don't be afraid to ask, just be sure you are polite, and not interrupting a scene or aftercare.

 

 

Play and Negotiation 

 

• Negotiation before a scene is expected before play, including safe-words, and aftercare. You should negotiate every time you play,• Do not disturb someone's scene or aftercare. This includes, but is not limited to, walking through a scene, standing too close, or interrupting by asking questions, talking too loudly, or otherwise inserting yourself into their scene, unless previously consented by all parties. The exception to this is DM's .


• You can revoke your consent during any part of the scene.


• It is acceptable to back out of a scene with someone if, within the negotiations, you change your mind, until you both feel comfortable with each other and both consent that it is not needed, or are in a relationship where the consent not to has been given. If you don't know how to properly negotiate, ask a DM to help oversee it, they will make sure to help you both ask the questions needed.checkinginonscenesquietly, or stopping a scene if it need be.


• You may watch if invited, or if the play is in an open area, but watch from a distance. Most dungeons have designated areas for you to sit or stand, but if not, ask a DM where is acceptable.


• If you see a scene you feel is out of control, contact a DM, never interrupt the scene yourself. The DM will either inform you that they already know about the scene and that all parties are consenting and have it under control, or will handle the situation in the appropriate way.


• If you are uncomfortable watching a scene, or it becomes triggering, it is your responsibility to remove yourself from the situation, not the player's responsibility to stop their own play for you.


• Do not sit on play equipment while watching another scene. You may be preventing others from playing and is considered rude. 

 

Subspace, Sub Drop, and Aftercare

 

• Aftercare is not the time to ask any parties involved how the scene went, or to try to have a conversation with them.  


• Aftercare is the BDSM term for negotiated care by the Dominant/Top, or close friends, after the scene. It generally consists of cuddling; making sure that the submissive/bottom is warm, often by covering by a blanket to combat body-temperature-drop after playing; is supplied with water to drink to re-hydrate; is somewhere they can lie down or semi-recline; has a snack to avoid blood-sugar drop; and is supplied with attentive, but non-demanding, physical contact.


• Sub-Drop is the BDSM term for the feelings of lostness, depression, aloneness, etc., that can be experienced by many submissives/bottoms anywhere, but not limited to, 1 and 48 hours after a scene.


• Subspace is the BDSM term for the altered state of consciousness that bottoms/submissives go into during or after a scene due to the natural form of "high," caused by the massive rush of endorphins and other naturally-occurring chemicals released by the body in response to excitement and/or physical impact.conversation with any party until aftercare is completed.